When the Days Feel Small
I’ve had the huge blessing of being able to find (or maybe, really it’s make time) to read in the past week. I picked up my copy of John Piper’s Desiring God that I started years ago, but never actually finished. It has been great so far, and I’ve been highlighting away. One of the quotes that stood out to me was the following;
“We don’t want to just see the grace of God in all its beauty, saving sinners and sanctifying saints. We want to share the power of that grace. We want to feel it saving.
We want to feel it conquer temptation in our lives. We want to feel it using us to save others. But why? Because our joy in God is insatiably hungry. The more have, the more we want to see. the more we feel, the more we want to feel.”
I read those words, and as I went back to them to continue to think on them, my heart was so full and excited. I was ready! Where is the youth group of girls I will lead??!! Where is the new business I will start that will raise tons of money to give to the Lord?! Where are the dozens of people that I will share with tomorrow??
Then I stopped, and thought for a second. But… I basically stay home all week…. I maybe talk to a couple cashiers at the grocery? I barely have time to keep up on laundry these days, let alone add another business! Hmm. Ok, I’ll guess I’ll just have to try work on not getting impatient with the kids again…. *crickets*… Sigh… Yeah it’s a phase I’m in right now, I guess this is just the stage of life.
Then I continued reading, being encouraged and dreaming for the future of the ways in which I may grow in big ways….someday.
But God stopped me from being content there, and brought me back to dwell on it those thoughts more. This is something I’ve been struggling with lately. When the days seem little… when life seems like the endless repetition of such small events.. how does this BIG God with BIG dreams and BIG power apply to me right now?
Then I realized something I’ve known for so long, but I didn’t connect it with my every day. Boy, I do not understand my sin, and I do not understand my God.
Here I am, not understanding just how helpless I am when I wake up in the morning to start a new day of parenting my kids.
Here I am not grasping the sinful cravings my heart has as I selfishly choose to escape into the “likes” and affirmations of other people on facebook when I get overwhelmed from serving little ones and from crying.
How does this BIG God with BIG dreams and BIG power apply to me right now?
Here I am not understanding the venom in my heart behind the sharp word or sarcastic comment I made to my husband.
Wow. The battle is real. I am not in a phase of life where I don’t really need it, it is essential now! Somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten the magnitude of the sin I face each day, and just how awe-inspiring it is to have the grace from God to turn from that sin.
Beyond that, I’ve forgotten who God is. God is not a God who shows up in the “big” things in life, and then throws the leftovers to people who don’t really need that much. (Again, as I said, I’ve realized just how much I actually need!!) No, our God is a God who is completely sovereign over every detail going on this world. Alistair Begg said it so well in this quote:
“Some of us are so stuck on the idea that God ought to be doing miraculous, supreme, engaging, transformative, manifest interventions, and we miss the fact that there is as much providence in the crawling of a spider up a wall- as there is in the unfolding drama that is contained here in the book of Esther”
Lamentations 3:37 also says, “Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?”
Oh what an encouragement to be reminded that even in the “smallness” and in the everyday, God is greatly involved, and he is acting- not with leftovers, not with a mediocre amount of glory- but in radical ways!
It is no small thing when God gives me the strength to step away from the computer and treasure HIM as my refuge first when I’m worn and tired.
It is no small thing when we choose to treasure Christ as our source of energy and the object of glory for finishing those 4 loads of laundry that need to be folded.
It is no small thing when we treasure Christ as the upholder of our lives as we sit through that tenth meeting of the week and wonder how we will do this for 30 more years.
It is no small thing when we pour out our hearts in prayer for the needs of those around us- even if it’s while we exercising, doing dishes, or driving in the car to work.
These are no small things not because of anything to do with us, but because God is mightily working through these seemingly small things. He is the one who is receiving the immense glory, and for some amazing reason, we get to experience it, to feel it, and to share it- even in these “small” things. So yes, let’s dream big, let’s yearn for our faith to grow in the future, and pray about the ways God can use us in new ways. But let’s also remember that mighty, incredible, and God-glorifying things are happening right now, each and every day.