My Ugly Truth – Confessions of an Imperfect Mom
I always had the viewpoint, that if you wanted evidence of original sin and the heart of man, just have a baby, and there you will see the truth. Now, 3 years into being a mom, I’m more fully convinced that the clearer truth is instead, just have a baby, and then look at and listen to yourself- and there’s the ugly truth.
I say things wrong a lot as a mom. After a short night’s sleep and a morning of a teething baby, I get put on edge, and the things that come out of my mouth are not the wisest, kindest, or thought out responses to my two year old. One such morning my daughter continued to ask me about when we will watch a Mister Rogers (which I had already agreed to). Added to the stress I had already experienced that morning, her countless questions started to annoy me even further, as I said in no kind tone, “Well you know we will JUST have to see IF you are obedient enough!”
Did I really just use those words? “Obedient enough?” Despite the fact that it didn’t even make sense, I couldn’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. I was ashamed, but realized that this is what my heart is like. When push comes to shove- this is who I am… conditional. I see it all the time- when the anger in my heart rises because I have to change all my naptime plans because my teething son refuses to nap. I see it when I get woken up at 6:00 AM instead of 7:30 AM like I’m used to and harbor bitterness over my lack of sleep, and I see it in one of the worst ways when I silently hold a grudge in my heart towards my child’s disobedience even after it’s been confessed. Sure I can try to be loving and patient, but when I feel wronged or don’t get what I want, those attributes tend to slip away.
Yep, I guess that log in my own eye really helped me see all my kids’ specks, huh? These failures remind me just how good it is that I am not God! Ha but oh, the wonderful thing is God does not love as I do, he does not forgive, he does not offer mercy as I do. His love is not conditional, it is not based on what I’ve done. His grace is not conditional- it is not only for certain people who check off such and such list, it is open to all who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. His patience is not conditional, He is patience. His forgiveness is not conditional, it is complete, and my sin is remembered no more when I repent.
His love is not conditional. His grace is not conditional. His patience is not conditional
Sometimes I do get it right with my kids, I have patience to discipline, I choose kind words, and can control my frustrations. But more often than not there are those times when the circumstances overwhelm me, and the sin in my heart comes out. Then I have to stop again and repent to the Lord; the God who always gets it right- who, no matter the circumstances does not get overwhelmed, never changes His character, and never changes His promises towards me. And when He takes those failures and redeems those moments to His glory, I must join with Micah the prophet in saying, “Who is a God like you?”
“Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love.” Micah 7:18
“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19