To the New or Expectant Mama
(This post was originally written one day shy of a year after our first child was born. I wanted to re-post it again on my blog, so I did not forget it, as well as to encourage any new, seasoned, or expectant mamas.)
This was me, one year ago this morning! Little did I know, holding my index cards of encouragement- “God is with me, God is my God, God will strengthen me, God will help me, God will uphold me” (taken from Joshua 1) that I would be relying on these truths for so many more unwanted difficulties that lay ahead. After a birth that went the exact opposite way I had my heart set on, and the first three months of my daughter’s life filled with deep physical and emotional hurts as I battled infection- it was a difficult road we walked with our new baby girl.
We are so blessed by our daughter, but I want to say something which maybe won’t sound normal- but our baby did not make my hurts better. I hear so often that once you see your baby you forget about every single pain you went through and every hurt is gone. I loved that little girl when I first saw her, I was excited, unsure, protective, caring, emotional, and I thought she was pretty cute too 🙂 Though, as I look back at our first year together, I feel a need to praise my Father in Heaven for his abundant grace He lavished on me as I continued to hurt.
Our daughter is a beautiful, sweet, baby, and I am so thankful for her- but she was not adequate on her own to fulfill any brokenness in my heart or circumstances. God alone has been working on filling that, and I want to give all glory to Him for that work. He has however, graciously used our daughter to give some blessings to me- blessing her with such great health throughout her entire first year, giving her an overflowing joy and excitement that has brought smiles and laughter to me in many tough times.
I’m still a work in progress, and not trying at all to get sympathy. I’m just thinking of so many of my mama friends – and have been thinking what advice would I really give… and it’s just this- to remind you to cling to your Father in Heaven- that He alone satisfies. Even if your experience is not like mine, there will still be times/days when that baby does not satisfy your hurts and difficulties like our world says he/she is supposed to. When that time comes, I pray you don’t feel guilty, but that you realize that that baby was never intended to- and that you turn to the only one who ever will.
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.” Isaiah 61:1